Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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