you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
