The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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