His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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