Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
