I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
