You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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