make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
