Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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