i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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