Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
