This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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