you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
