Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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