Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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