if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
