im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize