I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
