Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
