I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
