Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
