True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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