Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
