you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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