she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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