Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
