She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
