I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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