escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
please don't ironically join a cult
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