Swine flu is the new snow day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
