I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
