I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
