hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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