Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
