we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
