So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
