why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
