im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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