Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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