In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Terrible idea I love it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
