So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
