Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
