I'm really into asian looking animals
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
