dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
