Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
