): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am available for nakedness
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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