Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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