i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
