is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All I want is dick and wine.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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