soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
