dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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