so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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