I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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