People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
