i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
