i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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