I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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