Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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