does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
