if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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