So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
