Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
