Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am one with the molecules
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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