oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
