i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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