No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
