the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize