the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
