So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
