listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
