im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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