onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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