apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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