ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
